Leaning Into Discomfort: Why Awkward and Uncomfortable Moments Matter
The human experience is a rich tapestry woven with moments of joy, connection, and fulfilment, but it also inevitably includes times of discomfort, awkwardness, and conflict. These moments, often perceived as negative or undesirable, are actually fundamental to our growth and development as individuals and, most important, as relational beings. Embracing discomfort and leaning into the awkward or challenging aspects of life requires courage, but doing so can lead to profound personal transformation and deeper, more authentic connections with others.
Life is full of moments that make us squirm. A difficult conversation with a partner. The long pause after you say something vulnerable. That heavy feeling in your chest before sharing a truth you’ve kept hidden. Most of us are wired to avoid discomfort; our brains are incredibly skilled at nudging us toward safety, familiarity, and control. Yet, what we often label as awkward, uncomfortable, or even terrifying are the exact moments that have the power to transform us. If we can lean into discomfort instead of running from it, we open the door to growth, courage, and connection.
Many of us are conditioned to seek comfort and avoid pain or discomfort whenever possible. This natural tendency is rooted in our evolutionary biology, where avoidance of threat or harm was crucial for survival. However, in the modern world—particularly within our relationships and personal pursuits—this instinct can inadvertently hinder growth. The discomfort associated with conflict, vulnerability, or uncertainty often triggers our fear response, compelling us to withdraw or suppress difficult feelings. While this might provide temporary relief, it can also create barriers to intimacy, self-awareness, and resilience. Feeling uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe. More often than not, it is simply our mind and body alerting us to a moment that matters.
The notion that discomfort is inherently negative is a misconception. From a psychological perspective, growth often occurs at the edges of our comfort zones. When we face challenges, confront difficult truths, or engage in conflict, we are stretching the boundaries of our current understanding and emotional capacity. This process is supported by research in the field of post-traumatic growth, which suggests that individuals often emerge stronger and more resilient after navigating adversity. For example, studies have shown that experiencing and resolving conflict can enhance emotional intelligence, improve problem-solving skills, and foster greater empathy and compassion (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). In other words, the very experiences we tend to avoid are often the ones that shape us into more capable, self-aware, and relationally attuned individuals.
Leaning into discomfort requires a mindset shift—viewing these moments not as threats but as opportunities for learning. It involves cultivating curiosity about our own reactions and the fears that may be driving them. For instance, feeling anxious about a difficult conversation does not mean you are failing; it signals that you are engaging with something meaningful and potentially transformative. By approaching discomfort with curiosity rather than avoidance, we create space to explore our inner world, challenge unhelpful patterns, and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.
In relationships, this approach can be especially powerful. Many people are raised to believe that conflict is inherently destructive or that a harmonious relationship means never disagreeing. In reality, conflict is not the enemy—avoidance is. Disagreements are a normal and inevitable part of any close relationship. Suppressing our needs or tiptoeing around tension may keep things calm on the surface, but it erodes intimacy over time. Conflict, when approached with courage and care, can be a bridge to greater understanding. It invites honesty, opens the door to compromise, and fosters respect for each other’s perspectives. Psychologist Brené Brown has highlighted that true connection requires vulnerability, and vulnerability inherently involves risk. When we face these relational fears and lean into the hard conversations, we create opportunities for connection that are far richer and more resilient than those built on avoidance.
Courage is central to this process. Courage is not the absence of fear but the decision to act in spite of it. Facing discomfort often means feeling exposed or uncertain, but each time we do, we strengthen our capacity for resilience. Consider the moments in your own life when growth has occurred. It may have been when you applied for a role you weren’t sure you would get, spoke a truth that terrified you, or chose to love again after being hurt. These milestones were likely accompanied by discomfort, and yet they expanded your emotional and psychological horizons.
Therapeutic practice provides structured and evidence-based ways to engage with discomfort safely. Approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourage clients to notice their internal experiences—whether fear, shame, or uncertainty—without judgment, and to make choices aligned with their values despite discomfort. Exposure therapy, used in the treatment of anxiety, is another powerful example of leaning into discomfort: by gradually facing feared situations, people learn that they can tolerate and eventually reduce their distress. In couples therapy, guided conflict discussions can transform entrenched patterns of avoidance into moments of shared vulnerability and emotional growth. Therapy offers a supportive space to practice these skills, making it easier to carry them into the real world.
Ultimately, leaning into life’s uncomfortable moments is an act of self-trust. It is a way of telling yourself, “I can handle this. I can face the truth of my experience.” The reward for this courage is profound. By embracing awkwardness, facing conflict, and tolerating vulnerability, we not only grow as individuals but also create relationships that are more authentic, intimate, and resilient.
If you find yourself struggling to face the discomforts in your life or relationships, therapy can provide a safe and structured space to explore these experiences. A psychologist can help you understand your patterns, build emotional resilience, and practice new ways of relating to yourself and others. Reaching out for support is itself an act of courage. You can make an appointment here and take the first step toward a richer, braver, and more connected life.
